22-Mar-2022

Mindset Mastery 10 | Emotions Are Skills

Hi guys, welcome to mindset. Mastery, module, 10. And in this video, we are specifically going into emotional management. And what we're going to learn is what are our emotional triggers and how we can start to create replacement behavior for some self-sabotaging things that we engage in. So if you've ever had a stressful day, or you've had some conflict with your partner or at work, or maybe just frustrated with your kids, what happens At that moment? What we're specifically talking about here is. Learning how we can master the moments that matter there are crucial moments in our life, where these types of circumstances, rear their head to try and steal away the progress that we're making on our personal goals.

And what we have to learn is what these trickles are for us, but how we can better manage them. So we can stay on track towards our goals because who's ever slipped into self-sabotage only to regret it after. And it was just that moment. And if we can learn how to actually get through. Those moments, I guarantee you that one your resilience to actually resist temptation become stronger and two you develop so much more confidence within yourself that you can actually abstain and stay on track, and obviously you're going to achieve your goals.

So it totally makes it worth it. So if we want to learn how to change our behavior in the moments that matter what we need to understand is our emotions at a higher level. So a mentor a while ago, actually gave me the greatest piece of advice. That I've ever had in this space, he said to me, Ben, did you actually know that emotions are skills? Now for me, this really made sense to me because for the better part of 20 years, I felt like I was imprisoned by my emotions. I was highly emotional with my heart on my sleeve and quite reactive to the things that were happening to me a lot of things that were outside my control. But what I didn't realize is that I actually had the ability to control my emotions now for myself being a sports person.

Growing up skill that actual terminology really started to resonate in my mind, because I was like well, if it's a skill, then I can learn how to master it just like, I've learned how to kick a football or play an instrument in my life. Mastering emotion became my new practice and my new study. So I went to work really to try and understand the deeper levels of myself. So I could actually find okay, where am I starting to hold myself back in the pursuit of my goals? And what I found was that. Most of my poor decision, making was actually made when I was either highly positive, or in a negative state of mind.

And what we have here is our emotional spectrum. So part one of understanding yourself and understanding your emotions better is recognizing behavior and poor decisions. Now often if we're really down in the dumps and not feeling great about life, and we can be feeling a bit negative. That's, never a good place where you want to be making big life decisions or even little life decisions. Conversely, if we're too positive, and we're, too altruistic we're, seeing all the positive things without actually rationalizing, some of the drawbacks that can also be a danger too. So what we want to try and do with our decision-making is trying to stay in a neutral place.

This is where we're making the big decisions in our life. But it also relates to the little micro decisions that have the ability to derail us from our goals. Let me give you an example, say, you've gone to work. And you've had a. Deadline, and then you get a lot more work just dumped on your desk. And your manager wants it by 5 pm, that afternoon, and you're so overwhelmed and there's, no way you can get it done. And then, of course, it doesn't happen, and you go home, and you feel like a failure.

You feel like it wasn't a good day. You didn't do your best. And At that moment, you're feeling certain emotions, you could be feeling a little down a little sad disappointed in yourself. You might be feeling misunderstood. And in.

That moment your body is starting to feel levels of stress, your body's, releasing cortisol through your body, your natural stress hormone. So cortisol creates a stress impulse throughout your body, and we all find different ways to cope with this stress. Now this is where part two comes in, because what we call this scenario, this event where the boss has come in and has dumped all that work. We call this a trigger or an event, that's, actually cause a trigger within yourself to then feel stressed.

But it's, not just stress, you know, our triggers could be conflict, sadness, frustration, rejection, heartbreak and exhaustion. Now, like I said, we can have triggers that are leading into long-term types of self-sabotaging behavior. But we can also have micro triggers that are really kind of just at the moment where we go and eat some comfort food, or we binge-watch TV, or we just miss out and skip our workout, because we didn't feel like it. So part two is all about understanding our personal triggers and. Then creating new behavior. Now, typically when we go through stress, you know, comfort, food, binge, watch TV. We don't exercise, or some people crave stimulants in the forms of drugs and alcohol, right to just get through that period of time.

But what we should really be doing is we should be meditating and performing some kind of breath work to really rest restore our body and flush out that stress. We should be exercising because that's a great way to release natural feel good endorphins and also flush. Out that stress, and then we should be doing some form of self-care. This could be lighting a candle reading a book having a nice long, hot bath, whatever it is for you that's actually going to help you de-stress At that moment. So the next step is for you to audit your personal interactions. Now you've probably got a routine in your life where there are certain levels of stress or certain types of conflicts that are regular in your life. Now what you might be able to do in during its audit is you might.

Be able to actually analyze how am I coping and handling with these types of things? Because what this is all about is giving you self-awareness on how you're actually coping from there. Once we've got the awareness, you can start to create the change.

So once you have a list of your triggers, and then also some situations or scenarios where you're going to encounter stress, or any of these types of differing emotions, you have to have a strategy for that time. You need to create a support. Network around yourself, not only with yourself, but with those closer to you, and let them know that you have an important goal that you're working towards and that these types of situations or circumstances are a threat to your progress and ask them for their support during these moments.

I wish there was an easier way than just learning how to become more resilient and more tolerant to these types of scenarios and circumstances that stress us. But the reality is that we have to own it. We have.

To own our decision-making, and we have to learn about ourselves when we do this, we re-empower ourselves. So I implore you to deep dive into this space. So many people that I work with they're hesitant to deep dive into this, because they don't like to look at some negative aspects of the way that they behave when they're under stress, but everyone's the same. We all have different ways that we cope, and some of it isn't pretty. But the best thing is to really lay it out get real with yourself.

And get that list of your self-sabotaging behaviors that you're currently engaging in become aware of those, and then find some replacement behavior that you can deploy. So you can stay on track to your goals. I 100 promise that this is totally worth it. And not only are you going to stay on track towards your own goals, but you're going to inspire and lift those around you, especially if you have children or your family or your friends, they're going to see you crushing it and being inspirational in. This space, so my advice is to be purely relentless with yourself in this area peel back the layers and really get to know yourself.

And I guarantee you'll have some amazing breakthroughs. I will see you in module. 11.